thursday passes by...

So, I was not on air today. "The City in the Morning" will have to have its debut next week. I have such longing for air-time, it's such a shame that things didn't work out. See, I went to the station, but I encountered a problem that I hadn't yet had to face - when I turned the station on (off of the automation robot that so very kindly and willingly fills in the non-DJed hours - actually, when I think about the automation robot, I think about how I once watched an episode of 90210 where Brian Austen Green's character, David, was being exceptionally rundown by his position at the college radio station. He started to use speed, I believe, to cope with the late, late nights and the busy daytimes. That station needed to install an automation program as much as David needed to get off the amphetamines, but I digress...) the board shut down. There are two sets of meters to register the sound that is going over the air, but they both went dark when I flipped the switch to on. I struggled, toyed around with what to do, but after attempting two times to figure it out, I decided that it was better not to mess with the equipment any more. I packed up my stuff and left. The automation robot cheerfully continued his stream of WRCT-library electronic music.

So, I went home for a bit and passed out again. I'm not typically an early-riser. I have been as of late, because my work keeps handing me these pain in the butt 8 am starts, but if given the opportunity, I will stay in bed till noon, one pm, even two. I've been known to spend an entire day in bed, waking up at four pm and lazily stumbling downstairs for a cup of coffee. I'm not saying it's the best way to spend one's life, but after last year of two-job, full-time class schedule, senior thesis, run yourself into the ground, I reserved the right to slack this year. Only, I'm not slacking, not really. I work nearly full-time, I'm busy at home, but the station stuff really keeps my creative energy from flatlining. I'm trying to keep that part of me fresh and alive. Writing this blog helps too. Anything to keep me writing and thinking and listening and watching. Anything to make it so that those eight hours I pull in at my terrible service job don't make me want to throw myself in front of a bus.

You don't have to be what you do. I'm not what I do, which is sit at a desk, waiting to answer customer phone calls, as well as menial customer relations bitch work. But I'm also not what I want to do. My college degree has given me the experience and abilities necessary in obstaining entry-level administrative assistant positions. (woo...) I interviewed with the manager of Dozens Cupcakes and Bakeshop yesterday, and I found myself really, really excited for the prospect of serving people baked goods, coffee, and cleaning up after them. Why? Because... Because I want to feel directly useful. I want to work for a place that isn't dreary, dark, and cold. I like pastries, I like baked goods, I don't mind selling a product like that to the public.

Also, I want to work for a place more connected with the city. Dozens may be an imported business and product, but they've done their best to achieve a kind of assimilation with the city's flow, and for that, I have to take notice. I've spent years in jobs that felt like a rupture from my hometown. At this point, I want to work a place that feels a part of the community, where people get their morning coffee and take their afternoon lunch breaks, or drop in with a date or a friend on a warm, mid-week evening. Oh, I want a warm, mid-week evening...

I know it's not a health plan or five-figure salary, but pleasantness in a workplace would be a welcome, welcome change. I need a little light in my working life. My personal life has a bright beacon. Now I just need to see that my professional life is not lacking in warmth and color.

So, hopefully, next week I will have a show from 9 - 11 am. I believe I will be on "Afternoon Tea" this Monday as well. Oh, I want a cookie. I feel so very low at my job today. I think I need to go home, bake some cookies, and listen to some Jonathan Richman.


good for aches, pains, and the blahs...